Summary
Each of us can develop wounds when we are not loved as God designed us to be. But God can work in our woundedness by drawing us to deeper intimacy with Him, helping us grow in humility, and helping us to grow in trust.
Thank you for watching and participating in this retreat!
Not Registered, yet? Don’t miss the rest of the talks! Register for the Pray More Retreat!
Downloads
Audio MP3
Click here to download the audio file.
Printable Study Guide PDF
Click here to download the printable study guide.
Printable Transcript PDF
Click here to download the transcript of the video presentation.
Reflective Study Guide Questions
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed.”
Ps. 34:19
1. Each of us was made to be loved, but times when we weren’t loved properly can leave wounds in us. In what areas of your life have you been most wounded?
2. One of the ways God can make use of our woundedness for our good is to turn them into places of deeper intimacy with Him. In order for Him to do that, we must let Him into our places of woundedness. How can you work on letting God into your places of woundedness?
3. Another way God can work in our places of woundedness is to help us grow in humility. To receive God’s love when we do not feel like we deserve it is an act of humility. How can you work on allowing God to love you when you don’t feel like you deserve it?
4. God can also make use of our woundedness by using it to help us grow in trust. When we are wounded and have acted out of our woundedness, we have to trust that God will take care of everything. What effects of your wounds can you work on surrendering to God in trust?
Text: Encountering God’s Healing Love
Hello, I’m Isaac Wicker, a Catholic therapist, and today we’re going to be tackling the topic of wounds and how we live out of a wounded place. Before we get started, let’s take a prayer.
Opening Prayer
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Father, you know us, you love us, you delight in us. We are your little ones and we are wounded. We need your love and your healing and your mercy. Come to us again with all of yourself, with all of your generosity. Come to us, meet our wounded hearts, with your beautiful balm, With your beautiful healing. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.
We Are All Wounded
So we’re all wounded. John Paul II says that as “Humans we’re made only to be loved.” But how many of us have only been loved our whole life? None of us, we’ve all been hurt. We’ve all been used or abused or traumatized. We’ve been ignored and rejected. That’s not love. You are supposed to be loved in every moment, by every person, you are meant to be loved. The true way for somebody to treat you is love a true reverence for your person, for your dignity. You are never meant to just be used, to be abused, to be ignored, to be rejected, to be hurt, never. But it happens, and every time it happens, it hurts. It leaves a wound. And these wounds can be really deep within us. And it starts so early, so young, with our parents, even if they were trying hard, they were trying hard to love you well. There were moments that they were not loving you well and your peers and other adults. We’ve all been not loved well by others. And it hurts, and those wounds can really affect the way that we live, can really affect the way that we see the world, that we interact with the world. We’re made to be loving beings or made to be wide open to God’s love and to return that love in return.
Just like in the Trinity where Jesus is wide open to the Father’s love, and in receiving the Father’s love, he returns it full send. And that is their relationship, this wide open embrace, this dynamic, passionate cycle of love. We’re made to be that way. We’re made to be wide open, to receive love and to give it. But we’ve been hurt and wounded. And what happens is over time we, we harden, we harden the places of our hearts that are sensitive, that, that are vulnerable, that hurt. And we live trying to defend ourselves from life, from other people. Either we make ourselves good enough so that other people can’t criticize us, or we can criticize other people so they can’t get to us first, or we just numb our hearts. We have all, a lot of our life is around adapting to wounds, to living within our wounds and try to figure out how to live that way, how to interact with others that way.
We try to keep ourselves safe, but it also can close us off to love. And another way that our adaptation to wounds affects us is it leads us to hurt others. Not always directly. Sometimes it’s just I’m so anxious, that I can’t pay attention well to my kids. So I ignore them when they actually need attention, when they need love. Or in my own impatience and wrath, I yell at them. I get angry.
Why Doesn’t God Just Fix Us?
I remember once when I was in a bad place and I was yelling at my year old and just seeing the look on his face of pain. He was so surprised and so hurt that his daddy would be talking to him like that. That was devastating to see that, that’s me living out of wounds. That’s me living out of a hurt place. That Leaves me disoriented, that leaves me angry. That leaves me open to sin. And what do we do with that? What do we do with our own brokenness if we can’t even love our own kids well? if we can’t love our spouses well, if we can’t love our friends, well? we’re stuck in this place it seems where we are hurting, our wounds haven’t gone away even from years ago. We can still be hurting from the same wounds. Those wounds hurt us and they also harm others. What do we do with ourselves? I know when I approach God, I often want Him to just fix me. Make me not wounded. Make me not like that. Make me not lose my patience. Make me not get overwhelmed. Make me not get anxious. Make me not have these problems. I don’t want to have problems anymore, I don’t want it to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt other people anymore. I just want God to fix me, but He hasn’t yet.
So why not? Why doesn’t God just fix us? I’ve been reflecting on this a lot with within my own life, but I’m also a therapist; and so I reflect on the nature of wounds. It’s not that God doesn’t care about our wounds or healing. If you look at Jesus’ life, that’s what He is doing all the time. He loves it, He loves healing. So what is He doing in your life? Why are the wounds still there? Why doesn’t He just fix us? And what’s the difference between fixing and healing?
As I was reflecting on this, I came upon three different themes that I see coming up over and over again. These three themes of how God is working within wounds. Wounds that still seem open, that He’s not just fixing, but He seems to be doing something deeper. I’ve noticed three patterns that He makes wounds a place of intimacy that He makes wounds a place of humility, and that He makes wounds a place of trust. So let’s get into those three.
Wounds As a Place of Intimacy
The first is intimacy, and this is can be most surprising to us because where we’re wounded is often where we feel most alone. And we can have shame connected to those places. And in shame, we want to hide ourselves. We don’t want anybody else to see those places. And in fear, we try to protect those places most. We don’t want anyone to go there. And so the places we’re most wounded are also the places we’re most isolated Most of the time. I had a religious sister come to me for therapy. She was amazing, and right away in the first session, she was talking about how she, she feels the need to have control. And she was able to identify that she needs to have control because she’s trying to protect the places of her heart that feel wounded, where she feels insecure. She doesn’t want anybody to see those places in her. And right away, that first session, I challenged her and I said, you’re going to see through our work together that those very places of wounds are going to become places of intimacy. And the very times where you don’t feel in control are going to become places of security. because this is what God does, He makes all things new. So it’s not just He doesn’t just fix up our loneliness, but He makes the place of loneliness, a place of intimacy. And He doesn’t just give us more control so we feel more secure, but He takes the places where we don’t have control and makes it a place of security.
And this is what happened for this woman. As we were talking in our sessions, she was able to open up so beautifully about all this trauma that had happened to her and all these difficulties that she was currently living and all this pain that was happening in these different relationships. And by telling me about them, she opened up and became actually more and more free. Because what happened as she opened up these really vulnerable places, I all of a sudden had an opportunity to love her there, to see her and respect her, and honor her and love her, and really be with her in a gentle way where she was most afraid, where she was most hurt, where she was most vulnerable. She had to open the door but then by opening the door, I had an opportunity to love and she could receive that love. And that’s the most surprising thing we can experience, is when we open up a door and expect someone to be disgusted, expect somebody to reject us, to hate us, to condemn us, and instead we’re loved. In a merciful, gentle way, and not just loved in a pitying way, but honored, reverenced. That is really new and that’s what God wants to do. That’s what He wants to do. That’s what He was doing through me, which is a real honor for me that I get to be in that place with God that He can love through me, this woman.
That’s what He wants to do with your wounds, He doesn’t want to fix them. He wants to be right there when you open up the door and love you in such a gentle, reverent way. And, and when you experience that love and see that, that’s the one who is making your life, that’s when it’s possible to actually be secure in your own lack of control. Because when you are just trusting your own control, you have to trust yourself. And you know that you’re messed up. You know that you’re broken and you can’t trust that you can trust it maybe more than some other people. But when you’re trusting the Father with your life and the way that He has for you, then being out of control can be a good thing.
I remember when I was in high school, I would wake up really tired, exhausted some days, now that I’m a parent, I probably wasn’t actually that exhausted in high school, but it felt like it at the time. And those were the days actually, I was most curious about going into my day because I just had to say, what do you have in store for me Lord? If this is the day that you’ve made for me and you want to give something great, I am not capable. I’m not capable of making that greatness. I’m not capable of having my great day, but I expect You’re going to surprise me that you’re going to do something new. Even with filming today, I was expecting to do it all this morning and all of the arrangements I had made this morning didn’t work. And now I’m here and He’s making something new. When He’s in control, we can actually be more secure. So the first thing He does with our wounds is He allows it to be a place of intimacy and a place of security where it once was a place of loneliness, a place of isolation, a place of fear.
Wounds As a Place of Humility
I think the second thing He wants to do with her wounds is to open up a place of humility. When I was in grad school, it was a really, really dark time in my life. I was basically anxious and depressed the whole time. And there was a moment, there were several moments where I was actually feeling suicidal and I was feeling so shut down, feeling very lost. But there was one thing that was constant and continued to surprise me, was that my wife loved me. We were two years into our marriage and had moved to a different state to go to grad school. And I knew that she was suffering, and I knew that a lot of why she was suffering was because of me. I was not well, I was angry and depressed and chaotic. And yet it was also very clear that she loved me. And the choice I had to keep making over and over again was, would I allow myself to be loved? Because I didn’t see myself as lovable. I didn’t have anything to offer.
One thing that this time in graduate school did was it exposed a belief that I had held, that I didn’t even know I had held; was that I have to earn love. I have to have something to offer in relationships, otherwise I’m worthless. Otherwise I’m not good enough. And this time, this really dark time stripped me of everything I had to offer. I didn’t have anything to offer, and yet I discovered something new. I was loved. I was loved beyond my imagining, beyond my calculations. And several years later, I was on a walk and this inspiration came into my head that this is what humility is. Humility is the capacity to receive undeserved love or unearned love. And sounds easy enough, right? But you know, or at least I know that it’s so hard for me when I feel like I don’t earn it or I don’t deserve it to still receive it, that God loves me more than my earning, more than my deserving. And He shows it to me, especially where my earning and deserving runs out. And I have a choice. Do I allow Him to love me there? Do I allow Him to love me where I don’t earn it? Or do I reject that love and say no? Because That is what pride is. Pride is saying, I have to earn the love that I get, and by earning it, I’m going to force you to love me because I deserve it. Whereas humility is to say, I don’t deserve it, but I receive it.
And this is actually how Jesus is with the Father. He doesn’t try to earn or deserve the Father’s love. He just receives it, and then He gives it back. There’s not a competition within the Trinity, it’s just a receptivity. And so within our wounds, God wants to train us how to receive love beyond our deserving, beyond our earning, to choose to let Him love us there, where we’re ugly, where we’re weak, where we’re hurt, where we’re broken.
A Place to Grow in Trust
And then the third thing is that God wants to grow us in trust. The hardest part for me with my own wounds is not so much how they hurt me, which that causes enough of its own struggles, but how I hurt others, how I hurt my kids, how I hurt my wife, how I hurt my friends, how I’m not good to them, how I don’t love them. Well, how I’m impatient or over reactive or absent. And in that place, it’s so easy for me to close down and get discouraged to say, I messed it up. There’s no way forward. I don’t know what to do. And that’s where we have to face the claim that God’s going to take care of everything, that God is going to heal all hurts. He’s going to heal all the hurts in my heart and in the hearts of my children, in the hearts of my spouse, in the hearts of my friends, that I can trust Him even with my own brokenness, even with the ways I’m going to mess up, even with my own evil and the destruction that my evil’s going to cause, that I have to trust Him.
One of my favorite prayers that I’ve been praying with For A little over a year now is, “Oh, Jesus, I surrender myself to you take care of everything that I look to you, God, to take care of everything, because I’m a mess. I’m wounded, I’m hurting, but I trust you.” And so we have these three different movements that God is bringing about even within our wounds. He can make it a place of intimacy, we’re able to invite Him to come and see us there and love us there. It becomes a place of intimacy and security. It can become a place of humility, where I can receive His love without deserving his love, without earning His love. And it becomes a place of trust where I am small and broken and doing the wrong thing and messing up. I know that you, God will take care of everything.
And so God doesn’t fix us, but He does heal us. He does meet us in our wounds, and He brings about something new, something that’s greater than our wounds. He makes it a place of love and trust and security. And I want to just wrap this up here with a couple of thoughts. So one, it can be nice to just say it, right? Oh yes, Wounds can become a place of love and intimacy and security, but it’s hard to feel it. What does that process actually look like? And that is a real wrestling with God that we have to show Him the places that are wounded. He doesn’t come mechanically from the outside. He’s not just like a, a pill that we take that is just like, okay, in five weeks we’re going to feel better about this. But with God, it’s a relationship.
Bring Your Wounds to Him
So I bring my wounds to Him, and in bringing my wounds to Him, He heals me in bringing my wounds into relationship, that is where healing begins to happen. You see this all the time with Jesus. Is it begins with an encounter, it begins with a relationship. And within that relationship he brings about healing, He brings about something new. He’s not just like standing there and being like, you’re healed and you’re healed and you’re healed and you’re healed. But He draws people in and says, show me, Show me where it hurts. Show me where it hurts. And so go to Him. Go to Him with where it hurts over and over. And going to Him, you might not even notice it, but as you do that, He will bring healing. Every encounter with His love brings healing.
And then the last thing I want to say is that part of what used to make me very afraid was this sense that I would mess it up. That somehow like I would miss it, my woundedness would cause too much failing and that I would miss God’s love, that I would miss His call. But He knows you. Like He knows all the little wounds and the defenses that they have built around you. He knows how your brain gets confused, He knows what your brain likes. He knows the different passions that you have. He’s pursuing you, He wants to heal you.
And so His healing and His love isn’t just a generic thing that He tries to put on top of humanity. But He loves you. And if you are at one of His lost little sheep, He’s going to find you. But the way He’s going to find you is because He knows your habits, He knows your patterns. He knows where you like to hang out as a sheep, which pastures you like the most, where you run to when you’re scared. He’s going to take care of everything. Your wounds aren’t too great for Him. Your wounds aren’t too tricky for Him, come to Him. Come to Him over and over again.
Say, Jesus, here I am with this wounded place. Here I am with, with my anger, here I am with my lust, here I am with, with how scared I am. Take care of everything please. I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything. I give you all of my wounds, and give you all the ways I mess up. Take care of everything.
About Isaac Wicker
Isaac Wicker is a Catholic therapist, speaker, and content creator with a decade of mental health experience. Outside of his therapy work, he founded and runs two online Catholic programs for integrating faith and mental health: Whole Human Challenge (wholehumanchallenge.com), a 7-week Catholic challenge to uproot anxiety and enliven faith; and KNOWN: Embraced by the Heart of the Father (knownbythefather.com), a 12-week online Catholic journey to heal wounded relationships with God the Father. You can follow his instagram and find him on YouTube @wholehumanpsychology. Isaac lives in Minnesota with his wife and two boys (with another on the way!)